When pondering over what I really want in life, I was struck by this. When in reality I want to turn the balance in my life from
Arrogance to humility
Meanness to gentle kindness
anger to peace
position and power in friendships to genuine care and connection
ego to patience, replacing
seriousness with humor and laughter
self-absorbtion with true affection for others
i feel i remain stuck because my true intention is first-most for others to know me, and for me to selfishly promote myself. So no matter how caring and gentle I may want to appear, or may appear, my selfish intention always shines through.
So the idea is to ask myself, why is my intention to be selfish, when its only causing me suffering? Can I sit with this suffering and selfish desire to prove myself, and understand and comfort it from within?
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