Living in the present

"Live to be in the present. Safety, security, knowing and being right are all synonyms for death." –Cheri Huber

Situations in my life have forced me to come face to face with parts of myself that I would prefer remain hidden and undiscovered. In fact the life situation I am finding myself in now, it turns out is directly related to the fact that I have been running away and hiding from these parts of myself.

I have been fearful of facing them; I have been avoiding loving myself, hoping that the someone else I shared my life with would provide that unconditional love instead. I have been abandoning/rejecting myself, focussing on controlling and manipulating others to stay in my life and be forced to love, protect and care for me.

For reasons that seem obvious now, I now find myself alone, the forced partnership with the other person has ended, he has left me for someone else, and I am sitting here thinking, when was the last time I asked myself "how are are you feeling".

I feel weak, sad, scared, rejected, unloved, and despised. So, perhaps will now be the time I heed Cheri Huber's advice, look for myself in the present, instead of relying on a false sense of safety, security, and knowing what is right?